Towering Pile of Pamphlets

On the by, November is National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Look that shit up.


As we all know, elections are upon us. By the Old Ones, do we know.

I’m not going to debate positions or platforms, like I’ve said before, politics (and by extensions elections) are 95% full of crap. However, an interesting phenomenon happens around these times: the cold-calls and the pamphlets.

Tell me, readers, how annoying are those calls that you get all day long from various parties, looking for your support? How many do you get per day? In the last few days… hm. I’ll say that I get at least one call per hour during the waking hours, or at least the hours of normal people, and my peak mailing was 14 pamphlets in one day. So that’s (1 call *  11 hours) + 14 pamphlets = 25 contacts. Pain in the ass.

Now, think about what goes into making those calls and letters, designated here by a $ sign. They’re all done by automated machines ($) and delivered by phone ($) or the USPS ($). The phone companies and post offices don’t house the machines for making them, so you need office space ($) and workers ($, if not volunteer). Plus the electricity to fuel the whole process ($), which probably won’t be provided for in the office agreement, in addition to the cost of the ink and paper ($). Oh, and lest we forget the road signs that dot the neighborhoods ($).

That’s a ton of money, folks. Just for those annoying ads.

Now, these are the candidates that are complaining about the recession, how the government is wastefully spending, and how the state is running out of dough. Hypocritical? Absolutely!

I’ll tell you what, you slimy bastards. I’m going to go back and count every single call that you sent me, every letter as well, and I’m going to put them in piles with your names on them. Whichever pile is smallest will win my vote, because that was the person most frugal with their funds. If there’s a candidate that I didn’t receive mail from then guess what! They get it.

Oh, and Aaron Bailey, you’re disqualified. I think that your pile would probably topple over and kill me if actually created.

Of course, I’m not actually going to vote that way. However, it does raise the question: how effective are these things? They’re not, we know that for a fact. The only use that anyone can get out of scare mail is heat in the form of fire. And the calls are even more useless.

So, to the politicians everywhere: do you know what would impress me? If you took your campaign funds and put them towards something useful, like all the things in your platform that you won’t get around to due to “lack of funds”.

Your bud,


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