Girls Don't Play Games

Girls Don’t Play Games

Sarah Kulyk

70 pages

Updates Wednesdays

I already went on a stint about “girl gamers”, so I’ll leave that bit alone. Luckily, the feeling of this being a “oh I have breasts and a gaming rig therefore I am special” comic wears off quickly. The joke, smelling of overuse, crawls back into play a few times in the archive, but it passes like a oil baron sprinting along the sidewalk to avoid a homeless man.

Anyone who has read manga or seen an anime can agree that the art style is… dramatic. The simplest emotion can change a normal situation into an entire page full of face (see: surprise). GDPG is fairly similar to such styles, in art and writing both.

The art is fairly well-done. It won’t be hanging in the Louvre anytime soon, but the anime-styled drawing is engaging and expressive. Oh. So. Expressive.

Now, for the important part: the writing!

The characters are your standard fare, with Jynx playing the *ahem* “eccentric” character, and the rest of the cast filling in supporting roles as comic foils. Jynx seems to adore cosplay, and is constantly dressing up as game characters. This includes the decorative barrettes that hold back her bunches, which change with every page to reflect the goings-ons. The other characters include Jynx’s fiance, who was once named Eve, and her friends (lovingly titled “the asians”).

Now, the writing. I don’t usually say this, but I’m torn. The quality of the writing seems to change from day to day, moving from actual humor to utter silliness. Those of you who have read for a while know my views on utter randomness, but the short version is this: If there isn’t the tiniest bit of cohesion, then it’s just boring nonsense. Luckily, GDPG never crosses that dangerous line, but compare this to this. One has a tight, clear joke, while the other is just ehhhhhh…bear in mind that these comics are sequential.

The reason why I hesitate to dismiss the odd sections completely lies in the fact that (All together now!) “All video games comics are the same”. These comics must grasp at anything to make them stand out in the crowd. I was going to write that I liked the comics at the beginning of the archive better than the current ones, but it’s simply not true. Why? Because the original comics were more logical, more cohesive, and more boring. They’re just like every other comic on the market. Now… well, at least GDPG has something that separates it from the hordes of gamers screaming “LOL” at every passing gaming trend.

In all, I give Girls Don’t Play Games a hesitant thumb up (it’s only one handed, why would it be “thumbs”?) with a bonus weak smile. My feelings towards it went back and forth like the eyes of someone watching the Wimbledon, but it was mostly positive. Thus, enjoy it if you will, hate me if you don’t.

World of Warcraft, Eh?

You know, there’s something wonderfully peaceful and familiar about writing these reviews. I’ve done so many… sometimes it’s nice to think inside the box. It’s comfy there.

And don’t forget that the comic contest is still on until Monday, details a few posts below.

World of Warcraft, Eh?

Kelly Aarons

2008-present

Updates AP (as produced), average about 1/week.

Ah, yes, the WoW comic. Such a staple of our time. It’s a gaming comic, a social-interaction comic, and a slice-of-(virtual)-life comic all rolled into one! Who wouldn’t enjoy it?

Well, I can’t really say. I liked it, yes, but I also play WoW, so I’m not an impartial judge. But I will try to play the outside role here.

<Hike pants, push glasses back on nose with determined look>

WowEh follows the adventures of Cadistra, the Tauren druid, and Kissless, a Blood-elf paladin, as they wander through the adventures of the Horde. For those of you who didn’t get that, “Druid cow and elf with shield and sword (not the tree-hugging variety) run through lots of deserts”. There’s a lot of WoW humor (duh) but it’s presented in a way that feels like it’s a normal joke comic, simply with WoW settings and characters instead of normal people. For example, the jokes in the first three comics are, respectively, <spoiler>running to the parking meter before it runs out, the environment is cold so global warming is crap, and American beer sucks.  </spoiler> Bear in mind, I’m not saying that this is a bad thing, the jokes may be a bit mundane but they are easily understood by anyone without severe brain damage, even if they don’t play WoW. Hell, depending on how severe the damage is…

One of the interesting things about WoWEh that struck me was the presence of a story. Normally, these WoW comics are simply done in a “hurr durr funny game mechanic”, which generally works. However, WoWEh took another path by making an actual, serious story. And no, not the abrupt miscarriage of a plot line that’s become a rather unfortunate viral bit, we’re talking an actual story here. Basically, they revolve around how the two main characters grew on each other, adventuring together, and so on. It’s actually rather well done, it tells the story well without dragging, and the characters are interesting enough to have actual personalities. In an age of sock puppets with faces, it’s nice to see characterization.

I’d make a comment about implied lesbianism, because I know that some of you are thinking it, but I’m not going to. Why? It’s Because I’d have to be a thirteen-year-old boy to give a shit about that. The internet is already saturated with twats that assume that two women can’t simply be comrades without having some kind of tryst going on as well.

Overall, it’s a clever comic that actually tries to have a story and <gasp> character development. I look forward to future updates.

Girly

Ah, fuck, why not?

Girly

Josh Lesnick

756 pages

Relatively quick updates

Romantic comedy. If you are a regular reader, then you know how I feel about it. If not, then you don’t understand the venom that was in that phrase. But I’ve covered that before, so moving on.

My opinion on Girly is, in a word, schizophrenic. On one hand you have a brilliantly written, cynical, funny story involving various social commentaries. Interesting characters mingle together with great scenarios to make scenes that are absolutely hilarious. From the wacky antics of the psuedo-superheroines to that poor bastard the policeman, the stories appeal to both my humor and my cynical side.

And yet, there’s the romance. Every once and a while you’ll get a romantic scene. Yes, they’re usually passing quickly, but…

As much as I hate romantic comedy, I do understand that it sometimes is proper. After all, some people like that crap. However, the writing is not done well. The best descriptor that I can come up with for Girly‘s romance is “shoehorned”. It really is a cop-out for developing characters with real motivations to stay together. Apparently if you take a misanthrope and a nut then you get wuvy-duby gooshy-wooshy love. There’s something of a disconnect in their motivations, in the sense that they really don’t exist, not in a persuasive way at least. This is not good story-telling. Also lots of lesbian sex for no clear reasons other than because apparently he thinks that lesbians just fuck all day long.

In short, Girly is a well-written, clever comic that has an unfortunate amount of lame romance. Luckily you can pretty much tell when the bad sap is starting and stopping, so feel free to skip past that and read only the good material.

The Adventures of Dr. McNinja

The Adventures of Dr. McNinja

Christopher Hastings, Kent Archer, Anthony Clark

17 “books”

Updates semi-regularly (I have no idea on the gaps between books)

There’s quite a few things I like. Pirates, ninjas, zombies, Nathan Fillion, video games, WoW, Felicia Day, and so on. There’s really not a lot you can do to get things wrong with the first four, which is why I was interested in The Adventures of Dr. McNinja.

First, backstory. Dr. McNinja, M.D., is a man who was raised in a home of ninjas and went off to medical school, much to the dismay of his parents. Now he works in a clinic in the middle of the woods, taking patients of every kind. A ninja in a lab coat.

I suppose I should get the art style out of the way. Yes, it’s mostly in black and white. No, it’s not a problem. Actually, I am rather fond of it, some of the styling is rather clever. For example, turning out the lights and only showing the coat, floating in the air. That’s cool.

Apparently ninjas are widespread in wherever the hell they are. However, so are pirates, dinosaurs, and Benjamin Franklin, so I can’t really say much for reality in that sense.

The comic is organized into several arcs, each their separate storyline.

Frankly, there’s really not a lot to say about Dr. McNinja. It has the violence level of a Taratino flick, humor better than anything you could possibly find on the Comedy Channel, and just balls-to-the-walls awesomeness. With humor that parodies almost every genre, as well as the comic book style itself, I can definitely say that I really harbor no ill will towards this comic.  But as I said before, you just can’t screw up ninjas.

Example: You know that joke where “Ninjas can’t catch you if you’re on fire”? Don’t lie, you have. Yeah, he invented it.

Well, a caveat. The humor sometimes gets stale. Especially in the “wrap ups” at the end of the books, where everyone has to pat each other on the back and give three cheers for being ninjas. Well, and the art sometimes sucks, but that’s just nitpicking.

What can I say, I’m a man that loves his ninjas. It’s refreshing to see ninja stories that doesn’t involve headbands or loudly announcing your intentions before attacking. Admittedly, I have only gone through a few “books” in the archive, I’ve been so busy that it’s seriously cut into my reading time. Thus, I can’t really attest to how it is now. However, I can extrapolate the few I’ve seen and give this comic two enthusiastic thumbs up.

Cheers!

Ok, now that the review for Dr.McNinja is over, let’s rant about shitty ninjas! That’s right, you Naruto-watching, headband-wearing, かわいい- saying nutjobs, this one’s for you. A ninja is a person who uses stealth and ambushes to attack. Tween-agers with magic powers who stand in the middle of fields and shout for eighteen seconds before doing anything is not. a. ninja.

I think that I have the same beef with Naruto that I have with Twilight. It’s a crap, but the biggest problem is that it’s popular crap. I know people who are in college and still watch what is essentially a kids show. Or the people who wear the headbands in everyday life. It’s not cool, it’s weird. Face the facts: stories that revolve around the “power of friendship” in a non-satire way are never any good. I’m serious, name one. Some may say that the manga is different, more “adult” and violent, compared to the anime, but let’s face it. The story is still essentially the same, and it’s still essentially crap. Just because the tweenagers die every once and a while, that doesn’t mean it’s “dark” or “adult”.

In short: Naruto is stupid, and if you are old enough to drive then you should have dropped that like it was the SUN. If you own a headband, break it over your knee and throw it away. Or, even better, give it to your kid nephew. I bet he’d like it, in between all those Transformers marathons.

♥ Cat.

Geist Panik

Those of you who participated in Towel Day: I’m proud of you.

“‘Forty-two,’ said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”

Geist Panik

Brian Wilson (♫Drove downtown in the rain, nine thirty on a Tuesday night…♪)

74 pages

Updates sporatically

There’s a special place in my heart (which, seeing that I overuse that cliché, is more like a honeycomb than a muscle, I shall soon die)  for the horror genre. Maybe it’s watching the “omg wtf lol” cheerleading obvious sex object getting torn apart by zombies. Maybe it’s the fancy creatures. I don’t know. But it rocks.

Geist Panik follows the “ghosts are real but you can’t see them” school of horror by introducing everyone’s favorite amnesiac superlady, WMN5401! Obviously this isn’t her name, but it may as well be. Seriously, the “superpower amnesiac” is really just a cop-out for having to set up a decent backstory. These plots are almost as prevalent as space marines, and there’s a shitload of space marines.

UNIT DESIGNATION WMN5401’s real name is Riley Hood, and she catches ghosts. Seriously, that’s almost a direct quote. Isn’t that how Buffy started?

Meh. So basically she illegally starts selling ghost souls because the Department of Buying Your Metaphysical Shit was a bunch of cheapskates. “They” catch her, and she must work for a paranormal investigation unit (no, this isn’t Hellboy) and fix the world.

You have the normal crew, including the druid, the witch hunter, the idiotic muscle, the baddie that is obsessed with Rammstein, and so on. This isn’t breaking new ground here.

Not to mention that half of the jokes seem like something straight off a certain board that a thousand greasy nerds would kill me for uttering its name.

As always, I present the caveat: I grade by omission. The above is pretty much everything wrong with Geist Panik.

Oh, yeah, and one more thing. Or perhaps the biggest thing. I said that it updates sporadically, and I wasn’t kidding. I think that civilizations have risen and fallen faster than this guy makes comics. In fact, the only reason that I didn’t declare this a dead link and move on is that he put one up yesterday-ish. So don’t bookmark it to your RSS feed, hoping upon hope for something new tomorrow, because you’ll will be sorely disappointed. This is another one like Dresden Codak, it rarely updates but shove it down in a folder somewhere in case you have a rainy day. Me? It’s in my lovingly named “I wish I may, I wish I might” list.

2P START! – Obituary

2P START!

Tim and Ray

171 comics obituary

Requiescat in pace

Normally, I would tear apart this comic. It’s pretty much exactly the same as every single other gaming comic. Even worse, it’s a gaming comic for Nintendo fans, which is just… gag. But it had a good run, in a familiar, Brawl-obsessed, Sonic-chasing way.

In short, farewell, my friends, I’ll miss you.

No Pink Ponies

In other news: WoW mobile armory’s getting released soon, but you have to pay an additional monthly subscription for it. They want you to play their game more, but by god they’re going to make you pay for it.

I’d like to say that this has made me lose faith in WoW fanatics, but that goal was already accomplished by seeing the popularity of the incredibly expensive WoW steins. /sigh.

No Pink Ponies

Saiful Remy Mokhtar

08-10 (Don’t believe the archive dates, they are bugged)

Updates Tues/Thurs/Sat/Sun (with a large break in the archive)

What if you made a comic about comics? Wouldn’t that just be crazy?!

No Pink Ponies revolves around the main character, Jess, as she attempts to run a comic book shop and chase after the man of her dreams, who also runs a comic book shop. She’s smart, funny, and just wants to make a woman’s place in a man’s world of comics! With her required herd of boys following her everywhere, it’s just one funny slip up after another in the crazy shop!

If you haven’t picked up on it yet, the text that I just penned was dripping with sarcasm. What is it about comics with girl gamers/nerds/overall geeks that forces them to make it all about men vs. ladies? Haven’t we evolved to the point where this is no longer an issue? Studies vary to the exact percentage, but they all agree that at least 40% of gamers are girls, and I bet a much higher percentage are geeks in general. So why must we drag out the same old plot of “Carving out a niche for the ladies out there, you precious few”?

Don’t get me wrong, any comic will do this joke at one time or another. It’s almost as inevitable as the tides. But here’s the thing: the entire plot revolves around men chasing after Jess who is chasing after a man. For those of you paying attention, this is also known as romantic comedy. Fffffffffffffff- why do they do this to me?

“Oh, look,” I thought, climbing off of my throne of women and money. “A comic about a comic book shop. This could be fun!”

I’m going to spoil the beginning for you, since this plot point passes particularly presently.

<SPOILERS>

Jess starts off by checking out a comic book store, and all the boys stare at her. She instantly falls in love with the guy who own the shop due to him being “teh hotness” and decides to open her own comic book shop across the street in order to have a reason to talk to him. She then spends the rest of the story chasing Mr. Pretty Pants. He eventually starts working for her after she breaks her leg (despite the fact that he had his own store to run, a point that kind of just *disappears*) and etc. happens. You should be able to fill in the blanks by now.

</SPOILERS>

This is not a great story. This does not have the making of a great story. This is drivel.

I did enjoy No Pink Ponies, but it was more for the drawing and the occasional comic/game joke than the overreaching plot. The characters are well-done and expressive, actually conveying emotion and unique expressions. </artsnobbery>

Don’t get me wrong, NPP can have its moments. It can be funny, clever, creative, (add adjective here), but I feel hesitant to recommend it due to its plot. If it were presented in a series of sovereign dailies instead of a story, I might be more receptive. But I just can’t stand the chasing after boys plot, because it feels so… boring. I was going to say “contrived”, but the funny thing is that it’s done quite well. The writing is well done and funny (at times), and the characters seem to have some degree of personality instead of simply being sock puppets.

But you can write a story with as much grace as is physically possible, if the story itself isn’t done well then you are just going to get stuck with a stack of useless words.

If you don’t put much stock in the plot and stop at the point where there was a huge break in the archive (author went on hiatus for a looooong time), then it’s a decent read. Not the best in the world, but okay. I give No Pink Ponies a *hesitant* thumbs up, kind of like you would give a lettuce sandwich. It’s good, in a way, if you’re really into it, but in general there’s plenty of club sandwiches that you could be eating instead.

Daily Quests

Daily Quests

Kelly Meeks (a) and Andrew Manser

09-present

Updates Fridays

I have a soft spot for upstart comics. They’re like babies toddlers kids they have such promise! It’s like a puppy, is more appropriate. It’s full of energy, but nine times out of ten they grow up into a boring mutt. However, some of them stay fun until they kick it down the road.

Comics kind of have the same kind of pattern. They start off well, while the writer and artist are still chock-full of ideas and enthusiasm. Alas, they also mimic babies by usually being full of crap as well. It doesn’t take long for them to drop off completely (I hear that the hump is 30 comics) or just devolve into crap. If you can get past the hump and still be good, you typically can last a while.

Fortunately, Daily Quests fell into the latter category. Yes, dear readers, you lucky few, it’s another WoW comic. But what did you expect? I’m a gamer! For the Horde, motherfuckers. Level 80 ‘lock, I’ll DOT your asses, boosting my DPS to make you QQ all the way home with your Hearthstone. Boo-yah.

…fine, I’ll put my e-peen away. I admittedly haven’t played in a while, but if you’ve ever hung out in the upper levels of WoW then all of Daily Quests should be funny to you.

Note: I usually consider anything under 50 comics (filler is a bad sign) to be “new”, since that seems to be the “we’re in the clear for sure” zone.

First, I suppose I should explain the title to those of you who haven’t played “mmopeguhs” before. A “daily quest” is an assignment that every WoW player has to do every day in order to grind out cash or tokens that can be traded in for new gear. You usually do this whenever you’re not raid-aw who am I kidding? If you don’t know this crap already then Daily Quests will be an utter disconnect.

Ah, the meat and potatoes of the comic, right. DQ is the in the “In-game mechanics/interactions” category of gaming comics, taking place entirely inside WoW. Following the misadventures of Vas and Fireuni, the nut and the stable one respectively. It makes fun of noobs, makes fun of druid-trees, makes fun of raids, everything that you might have thought while playing WoW but never put down on paper. This gives the comic that familiar kind of humor, since you probably thought of the joke while chatting with your guild and just shrugged it off. Given the context of a comic, it’s funny, of course.

I believe I give the wrong impression. Yes, some of the jokes seem familiar, but many of them are fairly original. I really got a good laugh out of the BlizCon pet joke. And when I call the jokes “familiar”, I don’t mean it in a derogatory sense. The jokes are put into humorous writing and art, so it’s not like you’re going to fall over drooling with boredom. Plus, they are relatively few. Actually, on a note, I rather like the art. I don’t know why, it just rings with me.

At any rate, it’s a good comic that I may have been too nice to due to the new nature of it coupled with the constant WoW references, but feh it’s my site I can do what I wanna. I say again, if you don’t play WoW then there is a 99% chance that you will not get any of the jokes. But if you’re like me and know your imp from your Voidwalker, then I highly recommend Daily Quests. Let’s just hope that it stays good. Hope.

Ugh, another complementary review. I really need to get off the WoW comics, I’m too fanboyish.

Also: FOR THE HORDE! Buncha pansy little flower-pickin’ elves. Or wooo you could play a HUMAN! I’m glad I spent all this time leveling up myself! Or the little fruity gnomes… or the “stout” little dwarves…

In short, as a certain lady put so eloquently in this fairly circulated comic, “NO TIPS FOR ALLIANCE SCUM”!

B.N. If anyone’s on the Garrosh server, look up “Rayst”. I might even talk to you.

P.S.S: Since there’s a massive influx today: If you want a comic reviewed, then you can request it via comment, my Twitter account, or an email to archivecrawl@yahoo.com. Cheers!

Complex Actions

A round of applause for Kitty, for her rousing review. On a side note, “Catalyst” (my name for those late to the party) is the scientific noun, not some crappy feline joke. I’m not running a Cat Fancy site here, it just happens to shorten to Cat. Moving on.

Complex Actions

Talthos and SilkSpinner (Pen names, for those of you who are twits)

09-10

Updates MWF

“OH SHEET. Look out, here comes Cat with another gaming comic, surprise surprise, what does he have a folder filled with these modular stories and sprites? I bet he just sits at home and lustfully stares at pictures of World of Warcraft men in skimpy leather clothing. What an ass.”

Well, fuck you all, because Complex Actions… is pretty much the same as all of them. Let’s face it, I’ve said this a thousand times before: Gaming comics are all pretty much the same. Actions follows the “Make fun of gameplay mechanics in-game” path of writing, focusing mainly around World of Warcraft, of all things. I know, crazy, right? There are quite a few off WoW (namely L4D and D&D, both of which I can approve of), but it’s pretty focused in an overall sense. Everything that they do has been done and…

Well…

Not necessarily better. Yes, a lot of the jokes have been told before and some of the stories tend to drag a bit, but overall it’s still a pretty good experience. It’s written cleverly, making you laugh at jokes you might have heard a thousand times before, there’s something about the way that it’s written that rings true for me. It’s one of those comics that I shouldn’t really enjoy, where I tell myself “It’s derivative, you’ve heard this joke before.”, and then laugh still. It has a spell on me… hold on, I need to go find a priest.

<We will be back after these commercials. ♫♪♫♪♪♫♪♫♫♪>

Ok, I’m back. The priest didn’t help, although he said something cryptic about my carnal attraction to commas then proceeded to splash some kind of burny water on me. Weird.

Anyways, the art is pretty good as well, it won’t blow your mind, but it’s not bad at all. Aww who am I kidding, it’s great, I love it. The scenes and characters are well drawn. Even more so, the expressions that the characters show are actually believable and convey real emotion. In fact, you can find SilkSpinner on DeviantArt, she’s rather proficient at what she does, you should check it out.

I really do like Complex Actions, understand. Yes, sometimes the jokes seem recycled, but for the most part they seem fresh and creative. At least they’re far more creative than most gaming comics. At the risk of sounding like a “fan”, I really do like it. Yes,  the fact that I’m a WoW-playing, dice-rolling, Twilight-hating nerd probably has a LARGE part to do with it, but it’s funny, well-written, and well-drawn. Frankly, that’s a lot more than I can normally say about it. I could point out again that *some* of the jokes have been heard before and that the drawing quality sometimes drops, but that would be like trying to find the hay in the needle-pile. Aka painful and useless because there’s a thousand neetles lying on top. I try to be “professional” and review by omission, but it tends to turn people off of comics. And that just wouldn’t be fair to CA.

Overall, Complex Actions has that magical mixture of good writing and good art that appeals to the gamer that is 70% of my body and makes me look past the used nature of the jokes. It has found its way into my Magical Bookmark Toolbar of Wonder, and that’s saying something. You’ll probably know if you’ll like CA within a few pages of reading it, but I urge you to be fruitful and multiply. Oh, wait, that’s the wrong phrase… do that and read CA. Or at least give it a shot.

Menage a 3

Menage a 3

NSFW

By Giz

2008-2010

Updates fairly regularly

I had originally intended to review Menage a 3 during my Dirty Comics Week before I turned into a lazy/exam-ridden husk of a man, but alas I had to be delayed. Also, I’m a twat, so excuse the 5 days without a review. I’m busy.

As you literary folk might have guessed from the title, the comic title is a bastardization of the French phrase “Ménages à trois”, which basically means that three people are living in the same place together, with connotations of sex. MA3 (Does the “a” get in the acronym? Hell, why not) is a slice of life comic that follows the misadventures of Gary, a lonely virgin comic book nerd who finds out that his two male roommates are actually of the fruity variety and must find new ones after they move out. Lo and behold, the new characters are a mild-nymphomaniac Zii and the blonde waitress DiDi who is in the possession of a pair of knockers that would make a hentai artist shocked.

Actually, these legendary tits make up about have the story line, with either Zii or Gary trying to get a hold of them if you know what I mean. They all live in Canada (or as we call it in the States, “That state with all the polite people and moose”) so there are a few jokes in there, Gary’s a nerd who like comic books, etc. etc. etc. so on. It’s not exactly the most exciting plotline, but there are quite a few naked jubilies so if you dislike the story then you can flip through and look at the tits.

It’s actually really quite good, but I’ve realized that I’m a bloody critic, not a be-nice-and-rainbows person, which is why I’ve been having such trouble writing reviews of late. All the comics I read are good, unless I’ve specifically said so (*cought* Nicky510 *cough*), thus extolling their virtues is wasted. That’s mainly why most of my stuff sucks, I am a misanthropic cynic who apparently needs to make a blog (not emo I swears) and I tried being nice and now I think it has given me cancer. Advertising is for Project Wonderful, not Archive Crawl. So if I find time, I’ll be going back and “fixing” the recent, shitty reviews. And hell maybe I’ll break up the list of the next CIA assassination targets and hide them in the wayback ones for you to find.

Oh, right, the comic. It’s derivative, sometimes dragging, the plot rarely changes, and you should still go read it since I told you so, and Catalyst knows all.

Good day to you, sir!